Describe your life before the saving and redeeming grace of God in Christ.

I grew up in a faithful family and church, but I had lived a double-life, putting on a face for my parents, pastor, teachers, and friends while pursuing a life of lust and excess. I had hardly shadowed a church door while I was away from home, and I was full of pride, selfishness, and a sense of superiority - something my hard-won college degree fed terribly. Lust and alcohol were band-aids for everything: loneliness, frustration, anger, self-hatred, and stress, but my problems were always waiting for me after the buzz lifted and my lust was sated.

Describe how you came to know/embrace the redeeming grace of God in Christ? 

After college, I decided that I was “too old” to be using pornography and drinking myself into a stupor. The battle against alcohol was an easy win but could not defeat lust. I joined an online ministry called “Setting Captives Free.” What was supposed to be a sixty-day program turned into two years of going through the studies again and again. One day, as I was completing one of the lessons, Jesus said, “Whoever makes a practice of sinning is a slave to sin,” and I saw that Jesus wasn’t simply religious - he was true. Later, I heard a sermon, “Sex and the Supremacy of Christ,” and was overcome with the knowledge that I didn’t love God. I didn’t know Jesus. My prayer changed from, “Lord, free me from lust,” to “Lord, show me more of yourself.” I didn’t have a mountain-top experience but a slow change in my desire to know Him and to repent of sin. I was finally free from lust and eager to serve. Many friends were coming to faith at the same time - Jeremy Adkins and Benjamin Birdsong among them - and we began meeting, praying, and studying together.

What is the call of God upon your life now that you live for Christ as Savior and Lord? 

It's true to say that Jesus turned my world upside down. Over time, all my priorities changed. I no longer believed that a woman or relationship could fulfill me. Perhaps the biggest change was that I sought to serve rather than be served. I began to run everything through the filter of the Bible. If I felt lonely, I knew that Jesus was for me and with me and that He was more fulfilling than any relationship. I came to completely accept a life of singleness. Similarly, I just stopped feeling superior. I had been a train wreck under all my knowledge and talents, and I could no longer see myself as being "better than" but as a "like-type" sinner with everyone else. The answer to my brokenness and weakness - Jesus - became the answer to all the shortcomings I saw in others. God has namely called me to serve young people, both as a teacher and a youth pastor. I wouldn't say I'm great at either, but I'm confident in the knowledge that God uses broken, imperfect people to achieve His goals.

Describe your life before the saving and redeeming grace of God in Christ.

I learned at an early age to try to do what was expected of me, at least on the surface. My sins were kept to a minimum and, of course, concealed from authority figures. If you had asked me at any time during my youth if I was a Christian, I’d have probably said “Yes!” But, if you asked me if I was going to Heaven, I’d have said “I hope so.” I was taught to revere the Bible; but my reverence was more like superstition, because I didn’t really read it. Growing up, I tried to find contentment with my friends and—later—my girlfriends. But because I was so sure I was a “good person,” it was easy to be judgmental and self-righteous. I tended to see other people’s flaws very quickly, but excused my own flaws just as quickly. I spent too much time reading and watching garbage for entertainment. When I was in college, political philosophy became my moral compass. I had more in common with the Pharisees than the disciples. Like the Hebrews in the book of Judges, I did “what was right in my own eyes,” (Judges 17:6). I could always justify my sin if I needed to.

Describe how you came to know/embrace the redeeming grace of God in Christ? 

While I knew that I was a sinner, I didn’t know how deep this sin went. Accepting the Gospel didn’t come down to one event or one person—but through the witness of several people over time, and by finally reading and studying the Bible itself. I hadn’t read the Bible until I had met my wife. She was reading it every day, using a modern translation. Inspired by her, I replaced my KJV with an NIV and started reading myself. The basic idea of the Gospel did get through: just confess your sins to Christ and ask for forgiveness. “But don’t we also have to DO something?” I thought. Some said “Yes,” you have to believe, but also do good works to be saved. Others said “No,” you just had to believe, and what you do after doesn’t matter. But, as I had become most interested in, what did the Bible say? Yes, the Bible does teach that once you were saved you were always saved (Romans 10:9). But it also says that the proof you were saved was in what you do afterward. You aren’t saved by your works (Ephesians 2:8), but they are proof that you are saved (John 14:15, James 2:26). So, what you do really is important – you just can’t trust in your good deeds for salvation (Romans 3:10). Self-righteousness is not only futile, it is idolatry.

What is the call of God upon your life now that you live for Christ as Savior and Lord? 

Now I can see my own wretchedness in light of scripture – being “self righteous” makes me the most wicked person in the room. I used to pray for selfish things, but now I pray for others – their salvation and their sanctification. I still wrestle with the "old me" a lot. As I get older I despise the "old me" more and more (Romans 7:14-25). 1 John 1:8-10 tells me that I’m not the only one who is struggling with sin. All believers do. But, Christ has promised to forgive and restore us if we turn back to him. This isn’t an excuse for sin (Romans 6:15-17) but it is the remedy when we drift off course. Now I have an appetite for reading Scripture and learning all I can about God and sharing this in the context of ministry activities. When my kids were young, I volunteered in some of their activities (Scouts, church, Bible camp, etc.) I’ve worked in jail ministry, VBS, taught older adults in Sunday School and I serve FBCJ as a deacon. My current spheres of influence are in my family, work, church, and the Trail Life troop where I currently volunteer.  

Describe your life before the saving and redeeming grace of God in Christ.

Before Christ I was a young child focused solely on myself and the desires of my own heart. Although very young, Christ revealed the sinful desires of my flesh. 

Describe how you came to know/embrace the redeeming grace of God in Christ?

 God opened my young eyes at the tender age of 6 showing me that there was nothing I could do to earn His favor. My parents played a very significant role in my coming to Christ. They helped me understand the significance of my sin and the need for a Savior. 

Describe your life before the saving and redeeming grace of God in Christ.

I have been a prodigal many times in my life, but I can't remember a time in my life when God and Jesus weren’t at least “concepts.” As a child I was extremely prideful. I found fulfillment in my achievements. As I lost self-confidence I turned to short-lived pleasures, like food, sex, and relationships. As years passed I had more struggles with mental illness and it made me question everything. I've run back to and from God more times than I can count and He is always waiting for me when I realize He loves me. I am a broken person without Jesus.

Describe how you came to know/embrace the redeeming grace of God in Christ? 

I have known that I am a sinner since I was a child, but I realized how deep it goes just a few years ago, really. I always considered myself as "not that bad." Once I realized how lacking in love I am, I felt like I could never measure up. I just felt like I would always be striving or like I should just give up. God keeps chasing me, though. His love makes up for all the love I'm lacking. My anxiety takes the driver's seat many times and I have a long way to go to learn to trust God; but, His love in Christ is my peace! One person who has helped my walk in faith is Pastor Bill Arbo. His encouraging words put things in better perspective. 

What is the call of God upon your life now that you live for Christ as Savior and Lord? 

Honestly, I don't quite know fully where God is really calling me. I know that I want to spend each day building my relationship with God and letting Him guide me more.

Describe your life before the saving and redeeming grace of God in Christ.

I was wrapped up in myself and my own story. It was a world where pride ruled. It was all about how I could “climb the ladder” of the world to be higher than other people, better than others. The desires of my heart were centered around me and what would make me look “good” to others, OR what would either make me feel “good.”

While the world may say the things I did were “normal” for a teenager, that they weren’t “that bad,” the Lord showed me (even then) that the path I was taking was evil and led to destruction and darkness. I knew that I was very capable of doing things I never dreamt I would do (in the worst way)—that I didn’t really want to do—but that sin leads you into. I can still remember the hollow feeling of leading that kind of life and the lack of the presence of love. I lacked God’s presence in my life.

Describe how you came to know/embrace the redeeming grace of God in Christ? 

I had believed in the story of God and what He’s done since I was a little girl of about 5. I remember sitting in my room and talking to Him. I remember being convicted of sin (but also hounded with shame) when I was very little, and asking the Lord’s forgiveness for sin. There was certainly a lack of understanding the gospel more fully, but I did want to follow God.

Fast forward through early adolescence and into being a teenager and then young adult, I’d experienced God and I knew what His plans were and what He wanted; but, I wanted to do the things my friends and the world were calling me to do more. So, I tried that path—really attempting to hold on to Him and have the world. It took a lot of sinful choices and God’s sovereignty in my life to rival where that path ends. Once I was married to Michael, we both experienced that same story. We believed that God could transform us and help us to live the way He said to. We prayed and asked God to help us to live the way He called us to. He literally rescued us from the place we were living, and isolated us and began to transform our lives! It was only something He could do!

What is the call of God upon your life now that you live for Christ as Savior and Lord? 

Life now is so different! The way that I see and love other people is essentially opposite from before Jesus was the one that I chose to follow. Instead of feeling like I’m in this “cat and mouse” game of life where it’s all about “one-upping” others, He washed me and made me new so that my standing with Him is one of approval. This freed me to be who He made me to be, and He has taught me (sometimes painfully and often slowly) what it means to truly love through His love for me. Everything I do in life now has been taken over by God and His perspective. Down to the smallest details of my life, there’s nothing He doesn’t enter into. Jesus once told His disciples that the way to be truly great is to be servant of all, and that way of thinking has captured my heart. It is so counterintuitive to the world’s way, and I love the way it defeats my pride and selfishness. Most of all, His beauty, majesty, holiness and glory have captivated me. I want so desperately to keep my eyes on Him, so that I don’t stumble off of the path that leads to an eternity with Him. Praise Him that I have the assurance that He is fully capable of keeping me and holding me fast! 

Describe your life before the saving and redeeming grace of God in Christ.

I was just a normal kid doing kid things. I was taken to church on a regular basis, although God was never mentioned in our home Monday through Saturday. The preacher at our church did a lot of yelling and it scared me as a child. I didn't understand it. My sister and I often sang in church, We knew we were singing songs about this person called Jesus but I didn't really understand who he was. Everything changed for me in the summer of 1974, I was 10 years old and was invited to attend my school friends in home VBS. It was there that I learned who Jesus was and what He had done for me.

Describe how you came to know/embrace the redeeming grace of God in Christ? 

It was at VBS when I was 10 years old that I first learned that Jesus had given His life for me. It was the first time I had ever heard John 3:16 and the Holy Spirit revealed I was a sinner and I needed Christ. I went home and shared with my Mom what I had learned and told her I wanted to be saved. My mom led me in prayer and that day Jesus became my Savior. I wish I could say that I never strayed from God and the truth, but I did many times. As an adult I thought I could just live how I wanted; “After all,” I thought, “I’m saved.” But, oh what a miserable existence it is to walk away from the only true peace we have in Jesus. I may have walked away at times, but God never stop pursuing me and I was never truly happy until I was back in his arms.

What is the call of God upon your life now that you live for Christ as Savior and Lord? 

Everything changed when I met Jesus! Although not immediately, I did become increasingly convicted about the music I listened to, the movies I watched and even some of the friends I entertained. Christ gave up His life for me, so I want my life to be pleasing to Him in everything I do. I thank God that He chose to use me in different areas of service: in teaching, in VBS and in the arts. This old world and the things in it will all pass one day, the only things that last are what we do for Christ and the building up of His Kingdom. Now, God has called me to love and serve among a people that I thought would never accept me, to raise godly children and to serve my husband and his employees in a way that shows Jesus to be a greater treasure than any of the good things of this life.